Aug. 11, 2024

How to Cultivate an Energetic Frequency that Boosts Your Effectiveness as an Advocate and Leader - Episode 58

How to Cultivate an Energetic Frequency that Boosts Your Effectiveness as an Advocate and Leader - Episode 58

The energy you bring to an encounter with a decisionmaker has a huge impact on your ability to engage and influence them. You can be as prepared as you want to be with all your facts and messaging. But if you don't bring an energy that engages, you're likely to be disappointed in the outcome. 

The problem most of us face is that our energetic frequency fluctuates throughout the day. And often we find ourselves in an energetic state that does not serve us. If something happens that pulls us into a low-frequency negative energy state right before we talk to a decision maker, we're liable to bring that into that encounter and wind up pushing them away. 

The good news is it doesn't have to be that way. We can do a lot to determine what our energetic state will be. And we can actually cultivate an energetic frequency that consistently serves us.

In this episode, we share:

  • The four types of energy that influence your energetic frequency
  • The most common energy depleting habits that may be costing you more than you realize
  • The critical role internal dialog plays in influencing your mental and emotional energy
  • How and why much of your internal dialog is running on autopilot without you realizing it – and the problems it may be causing
  • How to rewrite key elements of internal dialog that will shift your energy to a much higher frequency 
  • Three perspective shifting questions you can use to elevate your energetic state
  • How to create a consistent practice that will keep your energetic frequency where you want it


If you found value in this episode, please share it with other progressive nonprofit leaders.  And I’d be grateful if you would leave a rating and review on Apple podcasts, which will help even more people find out about this podcast.

Thanks!

 

Transcript
WEBVTT

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I do a lot of coaching and training and support over zoom.

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I do a lot of coaching and training and support over zoom.

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But for a few of my clients, I do go directly to their site.

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I do a lot of coaching and training and support.

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I do a lot of coaching and training and support over zoom.

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But for a few of my clients, I do go directly to their site.

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I do a lot of coaching and training and support over zoom.

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I do a lot of coaching and training and support over zoom.

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But for a few of my clients, I do go directly to their site.

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You're listening to the Nonprofit Power Podcast.

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In this week's episode, we share how to cultivate an energetic frequency that serves you.

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So stay tuned.

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If you want to have real and powerful influence over the money and policy decisions that impact your organization and the people you serve, then you're in the right place.

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I'm Kath Patrick and I've helped dozens of progressive nonprofit leaders take their organizations to new and higher levels of impact and success by building powerful influence with the decision makers that matter.

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It is possible to get a critical mass of the money and policy decision makers in your world to be as invested in your success as you are.

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To have them seeking you out as an equal partner.

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And to have them Bringing opportunities and resources to you.

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This podcast will help you do just that.

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Welcome to the Nonprofit Power Podcast.

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Hey there folks.

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Welcome to another episode of the Nonprofit Power podcast.

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I'm your host, Kath.

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Patrick.

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I'm so glad you're here for today's episode.

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The energy you bring to an encounter with a decision-maker has a huge impact on your ability to engage and influence them.

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You can be as prepared as you want to be with all your facts and messaging.

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But if you don't bring an energy that engages, you're likely to be disappointed in the outcome.

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The problem most of us face is that our energetic frequency fluctuates throughout the day.

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And often we find ourselves in an energetic state that does not serve us.

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If something happens that pulls us into a low-frequency negative energy state right before we talk to a decision maker, we're liable to bring that into that encounter and wind up pushing them away.

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The good news is it doesn't have to be that way.

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We can do a lot to determine what our energetic state will be.

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And we can actually cultivate an energetic frequency that consistently serves us.

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We're all operating with an energetic frequency all the time.

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Whether we're aware of it or not.

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And that energetic frequency typically changes multiple times in a day.

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We've all experienced very high frequency, positive energy.

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And we've all experienced low-frequency negative energy.

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And everything in between.

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We've experienced it for ourselves and we've also experienced it in other people.

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And whether we think about it consciously or not, we are very much attuned to and aware of other people's energetic frequency.

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Have you ever been in a really great mood and you're just super pumped up.

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Your energy is high.

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You're feeling good.

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And then you go to lunch with a friend or a colleague.

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And they're complaining nonstop about how everything is terrible and how they hate their job, or they hate their situation of some other kind.

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Everything's going wrong.

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It's all terrible.

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Life sucks.

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You can feel your energetic frequency, start to shift to move closer to theirs.

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And at the very least, you might find yourself getting a little bummed out and drawn into that low frequency vibration that negativity.

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You definitely stop paying attention to the details of what they're saying, because their negative energy is taking up so much space.

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So there's two things to notice here.

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That first of all, we are very aware of other people's energy and energy is kind of contagious.

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And negative energy causes disengagement.

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This has big implications for your work as an advocate and as a leader.

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For the most part, there is nothing about the energetic frequency of that person who's just in total complaining mode and everything's terrible.

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How on earth would that be serving them?

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And yet.

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There they are.

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And we've all done stuff like that.

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We do it all the time.

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But we don't have to, we can actively cultivate an energetic frequency that actually serves us.

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And the reality is if we don't cultivate that we're likely by default to wind up in a low frequency, negative state, far more often than we want.

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We're just subject to all sorts of negative energy, low frequency energy from external sources and from within.

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All the time.

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Whether we're noticing it or not.

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It's there.

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And when we're in that low-frequency state, our productivity goes down.

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Our happiness goes down.

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And our ability to engage other people suffers tremendously.

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Just as you didn't appreciate that friend who dragged you down at that lunch.

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Decision makers don't respond to that kind of negative energy either.

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It's repellent.

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The most effective advocates are also effective at cultivating high frequency, positive energy that serves them.

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And that allows them to draw decision-makers in and engage them in a positive, exciting interest in helping to solve a problem together.

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So that's what we're going to work on here.

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We want to be able to consistently cultivate energetic frequencies that serve us.

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In part so that we can enjoy greater happiness and wellbeing, but also so that we can accomplish what we want to.

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Because we're more productive, we're more engaged and more engaging when we're operating at a high frequency energy.

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There are a lot of different pieces to this.

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You can really kind of think about energy as coming from four different sources.

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There's physical energy.

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There's mental energy.

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There's emotional energy.

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And then there's the energy that springs from passion and purpose.

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Energy of the spirit.

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And there's a lot of different things to talk about there, but one of the things that is consistent across several of them is the role of internal dialogue.

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And the stories we tell ourselves and the language we use in telling those stories.

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So I want to focus on that because it's what I see come up most often.

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I see evidence of it every single day in the leaders that I work with, and quite honestly, in myself, And the reality is that simply by shifting that one piece, we can start to make big progress in cultivating an energetic frequency that serves us.

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Now the reality is we all have habits and patterns of thoughts and self-talk that create energetic frequencies.

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And very often those frequencies that we're creating are ones that do not serve us.

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And you know what I'm talking about, right.

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How many times in a day do we say things to ourselves, like.

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I am so stressed out.

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I'm totally overwhelmed.

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This is driving me crazy.

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This is impossible.

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This is ridiculous.

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This is too much.

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I want to be clear that my goal here is not to have you deny reality.

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You very likely do have a stressful job.

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You very likely do have a lot on your plate.

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Most nonprofit leaders do.

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But how we choose to respond to that and how we choose to think about it and talk about it in our mind, to ourselves and to others.

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The language we use, the thoughts we create around this affect the emotions we have around it.

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And both of those affect our energetic frequency.

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And so my goal is not to have you in la-la land pretending that difficult realities don't exist.

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Of course they do.

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That's just life.

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Difficult realities exist at work, they exist at home, they exist in all parts of our life.

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And we have to deal with them.

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But what we don't have to do is think about them or approach them in a way that comes from a place of negativity.

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And we are so habituated to that.

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And honestly it tends to be rewarded, especially in high pressure jobs, especially in nonprofit work.

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There is a certain badge of honor that tends to go with being stressed out and overwhelmed.

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I can't tell you the number of nonprofit CEOs who have basically bragged to me that they don't sleep at night.

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That they're lucky if they get a couple hours sleep.

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I'm so busy.

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I'm just constantly going.

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I never have a moment to rest.

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I never have a moment to focus.

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I hear far too many nonprofit leaders saying those things to themselves and to others as if it were a virtue.

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That's really not anything to brag about.

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That is in fact a symptom.

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Of what one might call an energy crisis.

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That there is such a level of depleted energy on so many different levels happening there.

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That that is a person who is headed for trouble.

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And if you're one of the folks who feels like, well, yeah, but it is a virtue.

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That means I'm working hard.

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That means I'm really giving my all for the mission and the cause.

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I would invite you to step back from that a little bit and ask yourself, is that the healthiest and most effective way to give your all?

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And what is that approach costing you?

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Because it isn't sustainable.

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If you sit back and think about that you realize that not only is it not healthy.

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It doesn't lead to more productivity.

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It leads to burnout.

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It leads to exhaustion.

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It leads to depleted energy, which in turn leads to low frequency energy.

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So we really want to pay attention to all four of the energy sources, but that is way bigger than we can do in one podcast.

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So I am going to focus on the mental and emotional energy and the connection between that and the dialogue in our head.

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What we say to ourselves, and what we say to others.

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Because it's been my experience that when leaders work on that, they get substantial tangible results very quickly.

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We can do a lot on all of those fronts, but this is one where, by changing this one thing, you can start to see really significant results quite quickly.

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But here's one of the issues.

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Is that we're not aware of it.

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This is so habituated that we don't even know we're doing it.

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And if we're being rewarded for it in some way, that makes it even worse.

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Essentially what we have to do first is develop mindfulness around those thoughts and self-talk.

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And to notice what kind of frequency that's generating for you.

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And then once we develop the mindfulness, then we can make conscious choices about what we're going to do instead.

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What conversation, what internal dialogue we're going to have in place of that.

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But there's a process of awareness that has to be created first.

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Because unless you are very unusual, it is likely that you are engaging in an enormous amount of internal dialogue and external dialogue that is generating negative energy, a negative frequency that you're not even aware of.

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Because it is such an ingrained habit.

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So we want to step back from that.

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And the first step is to simply observe.

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You don't have to do anything yet.

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Your only task is to observe.

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And to become aware.

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And so every time, whether you're a person who talks to themselves out loud or whose internal dialogue happens without your lips moving.

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It doesn't really matter.

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It's there.

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And it's going all the time.

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We all have internal dialogue running all the time.

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And so we want to actually stop and listen to it.

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Because the reality is that it has been there long enough that it's pretty much running on autopilot.

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And you have default patterns that you go to.

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We all do.

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We all have default patterns, thought patterns, internal dialogue patterns that we go to routinely, and that are so habituated that we simply don't even pay attention to them most of the time.

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So the first thing is to listen.

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And to actually pay attention.

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I invite you to notice a couple of things.

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First of all notice what the internal dialogue is.

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What are you saying?

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It could be about a specific situation.

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It could be about how you feel.

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So it could be things like, I'm totally stressed out.

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There's just simply not enough time to do everything that I have to do.

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This is impossible.

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This is driving me crazy.

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Et cetera.

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It could be that there are other people involved.

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And that they're driving you crazy.

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And that you're creating an internal dialogue around why they're doing what they're doing.

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What it means that they're doing what they're doing.

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First notice what the internal dialogue is.

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And with that, notice what kind of frequency that's generating for you.

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When you're saying, this is totally overwhelming.

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I have too much on my plate.

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This is nuts.

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I can't deal.

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This is terrible.

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I need a break.

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But then you don't actually take the break.

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What does that feel like?

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What is the energetic frequency of that?

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Is that a high positive vibration energy or is that low negative energy?

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And just notice.

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next thing to do, which is super important, is to notice when those unhelpful thoughts and stories tend to surface.

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Is it when you're stressed?

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Is it when you're feeling overwhelmed?

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When you're feeling frustrated?

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That's part of the mindfulness is noticing when you tend to go to that negative narrative.

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And it could be.

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I recently discovered this for myself.

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It was quite interesting.

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I discovered that entering a particular physical space triggered thought loop that I did not even know was there.

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I had gone on vacation and had not been in that space.

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And came back, entered the space and immediately went into a thought loop that wasn't even true.

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I went into a thought loop about how overwhelmed and stressed I was.

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And it was like, that's actually not true.

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I just came back from vacation.

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I'm actually quite relaxed.

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I feel pretty good.

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I am rested and refreshed and my creative energy has been recharged and I'm ready to go.

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And yet I walked into a physical space, which is where I tend to do my most stressful, intense work.

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And lo and behold, I went right into that thought loop.

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So it's really interesting what can trigger those autopilot loops of thought.

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And it can be just about anything.

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It can be seeing a particular person.

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And you go straight into, oh God, this is going to be a pain.

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Oh, here we go.

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This is going to be so difficult.

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My day already just got worse because I have to go deal with this person.

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All kinds of things can trigger this.

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So the practice is to notice the thoughts, first of all, because if it's running on autopilot, it's not going to be super obvious necessarily.

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Notice what energetic state that generates and notice what triggers it.

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When you have those three pieces of information, you have the power to change it.

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Those three pieces of information are all you need.

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And then you have the power to change it all.

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To change it because you can choose.

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Generally speaking, energetic frequency is a choice.

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Emotional state is a choice.

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Internal dialogue is a choice.

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Now do we necessarily have a choice about those external events that are provoking us?

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Probably not.

00:16:38.888 --> 00:16:40.087
A lot of the times we don't.

00:16:40.572 --> 00:16:43.532
You know, we still have to deal with that difficult person who makes us crazy.

00:16:43.532 --> 00:16:46.172
We still have to deal with a huge amount of work on our plate.

00:16:46.172 --> 00:16:52.383
We still have to deal with a lot of things that trigger us into those negative loops.

00:16:53.173 --> 00:16:56.682
But what we get to control is whether we go into that negative loop.

00:16:57.263 --> 00:16:59.062
Or whether we go somewhere else.

00:16:59.452 --> 00:17:01.673
And that's the practice we want to develop.

00:17:02.280 --> 00:17:04.026
And this is a practice.

00:17:04.353 --> 00:17:05.732
Like so many things.

00:17:06.272 --> 00:17:08.313
You're never done working on the practice.

00:17:08.726 --> 00:17:10.165
You won't always get it right.

00:17:10.375 --> 00:17:11.603
But you can keep improving.

00:17:12.009 --> 00:17:14.828
And of course with practice, it gets easier.

00:17:15.445 --> 00:17:18.996
So let's talk about how you can then change.

00:17:19.566 --> 00:17:22.288
Once you've got the awareness, what do you do to change it?

00:17:23.022 --> 00:17:26.873
The great thing is that it's actually fairly simple.

00:17:27.439 --> 00:17:29.358
It may not be easy, but it's fairly simple.

00:17:30.048 --> 00:17:34.318
And a lot of what you're doing is just writing new dialogue.

00:17:35.012 --> 00:17:37.982
You can write new dialogue and you can also shift your perspective.

00:17:38.022 --> 00:17:39.913
There's a few ways to do that.

00:17:40.613 --> 00:17:43.823
You can look at a situation from another person's point of view.

00:17:44.316 --> 00:17:46.205
And say, how would they view this?

00:17:46.425 --> 00:17:48.016
Would they see this the same way I do?

00:17:48.195 --> 00:17:49.365
Or would they see this differently?

00:17:49.726 --> 00:17:53.496
And what might they say about it, and what might be true about what they would have to say about it?

00:17:54.635 --> 00:17:58.415
That can actually be a particularly helpful tool when you're dealing with that difficult person.

00:17:58.808 --> 00:17:59.742
The one that makes you nuts.

00:18:00.281 --> 00:18:01.902
It's possible you make them nuts too.

00:18:02.261 --> 00:18:03.372
I don't know, maybe.

00:18:03.925 --> 00:18:05.365
Maybe they're just really difficult.

00:18:05.996 --> 00:18:19.338
But even simply understanding what might be going on in their world that is causing them to act the way they're acting can help you shift how you choose to deal with them and how you choose to think about what this encounter is going to be like.

00:18:20.169 --> 00:18:25.251
The goal with all of this is not to deny the facts that are on the ground.

00:18:25.885 --> 00:18:34.726
Somebody may have really annoying behaviors, or there may be a situation that you're dealing with that is in fact very difficult and problematic.

00:18:35.086 --> 00:18:40.205
And it's going to require a lot of effort from you and others to make it work out okay.

00:18:40.905 --> 00:18:43.276
Those are daily realities that happen all the time.

00:18:43.605 --> 00:18:49.251
So I'm not talking about wishing away the reality on the ground or wishing away the facts of the matter.

00:18:49.786 --> 00:18:59.199
But the skill we can cultivate is the ability to frame that situation in a way that is positive and empowering for you.

00:18:59.955 --> 00:19:11.769
And that is not unintentionally depleting your energy more and pulling you into a low productivity, low effectiveness, low frequency state.

00:19:12.729 --> 00:19:17.709
Because then it'll just take longer and it'll be harder to deal with the thing you got to deal with anyway.

00:19:18.633 --> 00:19:23.125
You could also take the long view and say, how will I think about this six months from now?

00:19:23.742 --> 00:19:30.905
Will I look back and say, this was the most significant, most problematic, most important, most stressful thing that I had to deal with all year?

00:19:31.338 --> 00:19:32.318
Eh, probably not.

00:19:32.772 --> 00:19:33.252
Maybe.

00:19:33.699 --> 00:19:36.536
But even so at least then that helps you put it in perspective.

00:19:37.375 --> 00:19:43.465
But nine times out of 10, you're going to look at that and go, yeah, well, actually this is really annoying in the moment, but is it really that significant?

00:19:43.855 --> 00:19:45.076
Ah, No.

00:19:45.689 --> 00:19:49.315
And so how shall I allocate my emotional energy to it?

00:19:49.765 --> 00:19:53.365
And how shall I think about it in a way that empowers me?

00:19:53.875 --> 00:20:00.085
And puts me in an energetic state that allows me to tackle this with maximum effectiveness.

00:20:01.065 --> 00:20:06.464
And then my favorite really for a lot of this stuff is kind of taking the wider view.

00:20:06.928 --> 00:20:10.271
And saying, what is there here for me to learn?

00:20:10.271 --> 00:20:11.951
What is the lesson in this for me?

00:20:12.041 --> 00:20:13.902
How can I learn from this?

00:20:14.464 --> 00:20:17.051
Because there's always a learning opportunity.

00:20:17.231 --> 00:20:17.711
Always.

00:20:18.238 --> 00:20:22.954
And often when things are going the worst is when there's the most to learn.

00:20:23.521 --> 00:20:25.021
It's annoying that it works that way.

00:20:25.755 --> 00:20:27.345
.Failure teaches us a ton.

00:20:27.657 --> 00:20:29.428
Success doesn't teach us as much.

00:20:29.991 --> 00:20:33.112
But we gotta be willing to actually look for the lessons and learn from them.

00:20:34.221 --> 00:20:45.798
So in your internal dialogue there are some super common words that we are all using all the time without even thinking about them,that are not serving you.

00:20:46.545 --> 00:20:53.575
Some words to eliminate: should, have to, need to., I really should be doing X.

00:20:53.948 --> 00:20:55.508
Oh, I have to go do this thing.

00:20:55.627 --> 00:20:56.647
I have to do that thing.

00:20:56.647 --> 00:20:58.117
And then I have to do this other thing.

00:20:58.518 --> 00:21:00.567
I really need to do this too.

00:21:00.627 --> 00:21:01.569
Oh, I need to do that.

00:21:02.173 --> 00:21:09.196
There is nothing uplifting,nothing high-frequency generating about any of that internal dialogue.

00:21:09.993 --> 00:21:13.349
Instead, and this may be a stretch for some things.

00:21:13.584 --> 00:21:18.277
But simply shifting that to, instead of I should, you can say I can.

00:21:18.789 --> 00:21:19.269
I will.

00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:21.170
There's a huge difference.

00:21:21.953 --> 00:21:23.723
And it's a great self-coaching tool.

00:21:24.054 --> 00:21:26.094
If you find yourself saying I should do this.

00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:31.009
Just practice changing the internal dialogue to, I can do this.

00:21:31.576 --> 00:21:34.126
And then change it one more to, I will do this.

00:21:34.797 --> 00:21:35.967
You still have to do the thing.

00:21:36.529 --> 00:21:42.616
But what changes is the emotional state and the energetic frequency around doing the thing.

00:21:43.336 --> 00:21:55.990
It puts you in a place of greater power and of higher purpose energy that will let you do it more efficiently, more creatively, and more effectively than if you stayed in that negative.

00:21:56.049 --> 00:21:57.309
Oh, I have to do this.

00:21:57.309 --> 00:21:58.450
I should do this.

00:21:59.140 --> 00:22:00.759
There's a big difference.

00:22:01.809 --> 00:22:06.200
So that's one that most people enter that dialogue a lot.

00:22:06.349 --> 00:22:10.009
It's one of the first places you can look to just make one little change.

00:22:10.740 --> 00:22:14.900
And every time you discover yourself saying or thinking, I should do this.

00:22:14.900 --> 00:22:15.829
I need to do this.

00:22:15.829 --> 00:22:17.119
I have to do this.

00:22:17.569 --> 00:22:20.067
Change it to I can do this.

00:22:20.096 --> 00:22:21.086
I will do this.

00:22:21.854 --> 00:22:22.814
And see what it does.

00:22:23.559 --> 00:22:26.650
Observe how your energetic frequency changes.

00:22:27.819 --> 00:22:30.289
Some more words that we say all the time.

00:22:31.140 --> 00:22:31.950
I'm overwhelmed.

00:22:31.950 --> 00:22:32.809
I'm stressed.

00:22:32.809 --> 00:22:34.349
I am fried.

00:22:34.412 --> 00:22:35.612
This is impossible.

00:22:35.642 --> 00:22:36.392
I don't have time.

00:22:36.392 --> 00:22:37.231
I can't do this.

00:22:37.231 --> 00:22:38.132
This is nuts.

00:22:38.914 --> 00:22:44.494
You can shift that to any number of things, which actually also involve a little step back.

00:22:44.988 --> 00:22:48.617
Part of this is a little opportunity to take a step back and set some priorities.

00:22:48.798 --> 00:22:53.652
Because not everything on your overwhelming stressed out list is equally important.

00:22:54.375 --> 00:23:02.852
And a lot of the time many leaders are super overwhelmed and stressed out is that there's a lot of stuff on their plate that is small stuff.

00:23:03.422 --> 00:23:06.545
That is not something that only they can do.

00:23:07.055 --> 00:23:14.444
And that is not something that is going to have the highest impact, be the most impactful use of their time.

00:23:15.174 --> 00:23:28.414
And so one of the very helpful things that you can do that is a little extra step that's beyond internal dialogue is to say, of these five things that are stressing me out and making me feel overwhelmed.

00:23:28.914 --> 00:23:32.407
Which of these are the most impactful use of my time to tackle.

00:23:33.307 --> 00:23:34.958
They are not all equal.

00:23:35.458 --> 00:23:38.847
And even asking that question and answering it, and saying.

00:23:38.847 --> 00:23:43.688
Okay, well these two things over here, these are the most impactful use of my time.

00:23:43.867 --> 00:23:45.278
I'm going to do them first.

00:23:45.998 --> 00:23:49.417
I'm going to make them the priority because they are the most impactful use of my time.

00:23:50.377 --> 00:23:51.847
Here's what happens when you do that.

00:23:52.238 --> 00:24:06.038
When you do that, you have then done something that is highly impactful! That feels a ton better than being constantly overwhelm-ed-ly busy with stuff that does not feel impactful.

00:24:06.674 --> 00:24:13.932
Because the truth is almost every nonprofit leader has stuff on their plate that is not high-impact stuff.

00:24:14.978 --> 00:24:20.144
Some other ways to reframe are to say, in addition to, I can do this.

00:24:20.407 --> 00:24:21.667
I get to do this.

00:24:22.299 --> 00:24:25.660
I do a lot of coaching and training and support over zoom.

00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:31.016
But for a few of my clients, I do go directly to their site And I love doing that.

00:24:31.046 --> 00:24:35.435
It is one of the most rewarding and fun parts of my job.

00:24:36.185 --> 00:24:38.746
But the travel itself is wearing.

00:24:39.355 --> 00:24:45.266
And I have to be very intentional and very mindful not to equate the two.

00:24:45.935 --> 00:24:49.415
So, first of all, not to say, I'm totally stressed out.

00:24:49.415 --> 00:24:51.276
I have all these trips I got to do.

00:24:51.695 --> 00:24:53.286
I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

00:24:53.895 --> 00:24:55.306
Instead it's like, this is awesome.

00:24:55.476 --> 00:25:05.336
I get to go to these cool places and work with teams onsite where I can work with them in their home environment where they're most comfortable.

00:25:05.336 --> 00:25:07.945
helping them improve their effectiveness as a team.

00:25:08.185 --> 00:25:11.965
For me to be able to work with them in their home environment is hugely helpful.

00:25:12.625 --> 00:25:17.066
So it's an awesome opportunity to be able to work with people in that way.

00:25:17.066 --> 00:25:20.185
And I love it and it energizes me to do that work.

00:25:20.873 --> 00:25:29.512
And, you know, flying cross country and dealing with airlines and all of that has stuff associated with it that's not always super enjoyable.

00:25:30.242 --> 00:25:36.173
But I can change how I approach that and I can change the internal dialogue that I have with myself about that.

00:25:37.222 --> 00:25:40.603
And the first thing is always to say, I get to do this.

00:25:40.603 --> 00:25:43.542
How awesome is this that I get to help people in this way?

00:25:44.393 --> 00:25:47.726
It does not change the fact that I still have to get on a plane across the country.

00:25:47.726 --> 00:25:49.405
And darn it, there's no direct flights.

00:25:49.465 --> 00:25:53.395
I'm going to have to change plans and worry about missed connections and all of that.

00:25:53.816 --> 00:25:54.536
That's still there.

00:25:54.536 --> 00:25:55.826
That's still part of the reality.

00:25:56.461 --> 00:26:01.471
But if I am focused on the fact that I get to go work with amazing people in amazing places.

00:26:01.951 --> 00:26:03.961
And make a huge impact when I'm there.

00:26:04.392 --> 00:26:07.519
That changes my energetic frequency tremendously.

00:26:08.092 --> 00:26:13.971
And it improves my ability to cope with whatever might come my way in the travel portion of that.

00:26:14.511 --> 00:26:17.152
And similarly when I'm approaching the travel portion.

00:26:17.451 --> 00:26:23.919
One of the internal dialogue questions I have is what can I do to make this travel as enjoyable as possible?

00:26:24.615 --> 00:26:28.439
And so I have things that I do that help me enjoy the travel.

00:26:28.838 --> 00:26:31.179
So it's a little bit of, just being strategic.

00:26:31.179 --> 00:26:35.378
But a lot of it is really how you talk to yourself about what this is going to be like.

00:26:35.499 --> 00:26:36.278
Say, okay.

00:26:36.749 --> 00:26:37.888
I'm flying today.

00:26:37.939 --> 00:26:42.138
I'm going to get a good night's rest before I meet with the client in the morning.

00:26:42.138 --> 00:26:44.719
We're going to have an amazing meeting all day tomorrow.

00:26:44.749 --> 00:26:46.699
And then the next day I'm going to fly home.

00:26:47.028 --> 00:26:51.048
I'm going to treat myself to a nice dinner when I'm finished with the meeting.

00:26:51.480 --> 00:26:56.641
And each morning, I'm going to make sure that I take walks, that I am out in the fresh air as much as possible.

00:26:57.060 --> 00:27:00.310
That I do things that charge my batteries.

00:27:01.121 --> 00:27:07.876
Instead of dwelling on the parts that are potentially going to suck, I do as much as I can to make sure they don't suck.

00:27:07.876 --> 00:27:15.807
But then if they do wind up sucking, then I am prepared to view them in an as positive and empowering a light as I can.

00:27:16.517 --> 00:27:21.623
So if I get stuck somewhere for an extra day or something else goes wrong.

00:27:22.020 --> 00:27:25.611
I'm like, all right, well, this is a new challenge that has presented itself.

00:27:25.691 --> 00:27:32.136
How am I going to do this in a way that is as comfortable and least stressful as possible?

00:27:32.656 --> 00:27:34.576
And then I go to work solving that problem.

00:27:35.396 --> 00:27:41.527
Rather than going into a thought loop about how much this sucks, and how many problems this is going to create down the line.

00:27:41.707 --> 00:27:44.076
It's like, well, okay, what are we facing?

00:27:44.287 --> 00:27:45.217
What do we need to do?

00:27:45.277 --> 00:27:45.727
All right.

00:27:45.757 --> 00:27:46.477
Let's get busy.

00:27:47.467 --> 00:27:52.636
And just changing the internal dialogue around that changes the energetic frequency dramatically.

00:27:53.517 --> 00:27:55.287
None of this is rocket science.

00:27:55.287 --> 00:27:56.787
It's really, really basic.

00:27:56.787 --> 00:27:59.067
But it's also hard to do.

00:27:59.487 --> 00:28:04.696
And the two reasons that this is hard to do is that this stuff is running on autopilot in the background.

00:28:04.946 --> 00:28:07.317
It is habituated and so we're not aware of it.

00:28:07.346 --> 00:28:09.237
We have to become aware.

00:28:09.537 --> 00:28:10.826
So that's our first challenge.

00:28:11.487 --> 00:28:13.707
And then we have to actually change it.

00:28:14.487 --> 00:28:14.876
But.

00:28:14.894 --> 00:28:15.765
If we do.

00:28:16.261 --> 00:28:17.821
When we do, when we change it.

00:28:18.219 --> 00:28:19.568
Things improve immediately.

00:28:20.384 --> 00:28:24.584
And if you're skeptical about this, I invite you to try it a couple of times.

00:28:24.614 --> 00:28:27.479
It won't cost you a thing to give it a shot.

00:28:28.114 --> 00:28:29.253
But just play with it.

00:28:29.741 --> 00:28:31.211
And see what happens.

00:28:31.392 --> 00:28:33.461
Notice the energy shift.

00:28:34.672 --> 00:28:38.571
Some other reframing for, I should do this, I need to do this.

00:28:38.571 --> 00:28:39.862
I have to do this.

00:28:39.951 --> 00:28:43.451
Is, it would be helpful to me if I did this.

00:28:44.028 --> 00:28:44.988
That's a huge shift.

00:28:45.847 --> 00:28:47.498
I would like to do this.

00:28:48.113 --> 00:28:50.123
And then you can give yourself a reason or not.

00:28:50.462 --> 00:28:51.813
Take this down to the personal level.

00:28:51.813 --> 00:28:53.343
I really need to do these dishes.

00:28:53.343 --> 00:28:54.542
They have piled up.

00:28:54.573 --> 00:28:55.353
This is ridiculous.

00:28:55.353 --> 00:28:56.133
The kitchen's a mess.

00:28:56.133 --> 00:28:56.702
I hate this.

00:28:56.702 --> 00:28:57.633
It drives me crazy.

00:28:58.522 --> 00:28:59.063
Okay.

00:28:59.633 --> 00:29:01.432
Objective reality, the kitchen is a mess.

00:29:01.823 --> 00:29:04.282
Another objective reality is I really hate a messy kitchen.

00:29:05.212 --> 00:29:07.133
But, you know, time is short.

00:29:07.133 --> 00:29:08.512
And so sometimes that happens.

00:29:09.113 --> 00:29:14.365
So a way to reframe that is to say, it would feel really good if I cleaned up this kitchen.

00:29:14.365 --> 00:29:19.298
I will feel so much better if I just tackle this here and get this squared away.

00:29:19.327 --> 00:29:21.367
Let me just take a moment to do this now.

00:29:22.357 --> 00:29:25.087
And even if I only get part of it done, It feels better.

00:29:25.858 --> 00:29:28.928
And I'm not engaging in all the negative thought loops.

00:29:29.917 --> 00:29:31.837
This is an opportunity to.

00:29:32.426 --> 00:29:33.777
This is a priority.

00:29:34.378 --> 00:29:35.917
I'm making this a priority.

00:29:36.337 --> 00:29:38.587
This is the most impactful use of my time.

00:29:39.496 --> 00:29:45.271
And the other one that I think is huge is some variation on this won't work.

00:29:45.799 --> 00:29:46.849
That won't work.

00:29:47.558 --> 00:29:54.013
First of all, if that's a loop for you as a leader, and you tend to respond to new ideas that way.

00:29:54.681 --> 00:29:57.188
That's a reframe that is going to serve you and your team.

00:29:57.807 --> 00:30:11.708
That is very demoralizing to hear on the receiving end if you're saying it out loud.But even if it's just internal and your default is to anything new or that's a hassle, to say, oh, it won't work anyway.

00:30:12.151 --> 00:30:13.907
Or that's not a good idea.

00:30:13.907 --> 00:30:15.167
That doesn't make sense.

00:30:15.708 --> 00:30:18.540
Instead say, how can this work?

00:30:19.198 --> 00:30:19.498
Hmm.

00:30:19.778 --> 00:30:21.097
Let's explore that for a second.

00:30:21.127 --> 00:30:22.147
How could this work?

00:30:22.688 --> 00:30:24.928
What would be the impact if we tried this?

00:30:25.463 --> 00:30:29.983
And maybe the thing that your initial reaction of, this won't work.

00:30:30.253 --> 00:30:34.394
Maybe exactly as originally presented it won't work.

00:30:34.993 --> 00:30:37.753
But if you ask the question, well, how can this work?

00:30:37.933 --> 00:30:39.284
How could this be made to work?

00:30:39.733 --> 00:30:42.607
How could we tweak that and have it have a great impact.

00:30:43.213 --> 00:30:47.653
And then if you explore it fully and it really just isn't a good idea, then fine.

00:30:48.314 --> 00:30:52.773
.But if it's a problem that needs solving, then the question remains.

00:30:52.773 --> 00:30:53.763
Well what will work?

00:30:53.824 --> 00:30:58.763
What can we do or create or change that will work better.

00:30:59.243 --> 00:31:00.384
That will make this work..

00:31:01.463 --> 00:31:08.250
One of the worst things about negative, low frequency energy is that it shuts down creativity.

00:31:08.854 --> 00:31:13.483
It shuts it down inside of you and it shuts it down in the people around you.

00:31:14.141 --> 00:31:19.153
Because, as we all know and have all experienced, energy is contagious.

00:31:19.943 --> 00:31:26.028
And this is particularly important because as a leader, people are looking to you to set the tone.

00:31:26.597 --> 00:31:31.817
And if you're inadvertently setting a tone of low-frequency negative energy.

00:31:32.327 --> 00:31:34.157
You're going to have a team that echoes that.

00:31:34.730 --> 00:31:36.617
And that is going to be tough.

00:31:37.611 --> 00:31:54.931
But if you are able to cultivate actively, on a regular basis, and make the small changes in internal dialogue, self-talk that take you to a positive and empowered approach to whatever the thing is that triggered that negative reaction.

00:31:55.740 --> 00:31:58.381
Over time that will become your new habit.

00:31:59.351 --> 00:32:02.433
And I am speaking from personal experience with this.

00:32:03.067 --> 00:32:04.928
I had lots of these bad habits.

00:32:05.397 --> 00:32:08.607
Until I began to cultivate this awareness.

00:32:09.181 --> 00:32:14.907
And really make an intentional effort to shift my internal language, my internal dialogue.

00:32:15.268 --> 00:32:17.907
And I can tell you that it has made any enormous difference.

00:32:18.278 --> 00:32:24.137
I've always been a pretty positive person, but I can also get frustrated and overwhelmed, like all of us.

00:32:24.718 --> 00:32:32.478
I noticed once I began to cultivate the awareness, that for me, frustration and overwhelm are two of the most common triggers for this stuff.

00:32:32.958 --> 00:32:34.518
For you, it may be something different.

00:32:35.268 --> 00:32:37.667
But cultivating the awareness and saying, Hmm.

00:32:38.357 --> 00:32:39.018
Oh, interesting.

00:32:39.018 --> 00:32:39.617
Here we are.

00:32:39.617 --> 00:32:40.218
Look at that.

00:32:40.278 --> 00:32:43.840
I just went right to that internal dialogue, that internal story.

00:32:44.381 --> 00:32:46.451
And just change the language in your head.

00:32:47.240 --> 00:32:47.990
I should do this.

00:32:48.050 --> 00:32:48.351
Nope.

00:32:48.703 --> 00:32:49.483
I can do this.

00:32:49.513 --> 00:32:50.354
I will do this.

00:32:50.851 --> 00:32:51.867
I get to do this.

00:32:52.347 --> 00:32:54.508
It would be really helpful to me if I did this.

00:32:55.040 --> 00:32:56.990
This will have a big impact when I do this.

00:32:57.560 --> 00:32:58.580
I'm going to do it now.

00:32:59.500 --> 00:33:00.580
Play with this.

00:33:01.000 --> 00:33:03.280
Like I said, it won't cost you anything to try.

00:33:03.928 --> 00:33:10.907
And if you give it some serious effort and don't just try it once or twice, but actually try doing this for a week.

00:33:10.907 --> 00:33:13.057
Give it that much of a chance, cause here's the thing.

00:33:13.567 --> 00:33:19.721
Because of the way our brains work, a lot of stuff is on autopilot for a reason.

00:33:20.320 --> 00:33:30.240
Our reticular activating system puts not only physical actions, which we know as muscle memory, but it also puts thoughts and routines on autopilot.

00:33:30.661 --> 00:33:33.840
Because if it didn't, we'd be overwhelmed all the time.

00:33:33.840 --> 00:33:35.371
There'd be way too much to think about.

00:33:35.988 --> 00:33:37.938
If we had to think about how to tie our shoes every day.

00:33:38.488 --> 00:33:47.117
If I had to think about how to make my morning cup of coffee before I leave the house, then that would be brain space that would be poorly used to say the least.

00:33:47.597 --> 00:33:49.397
If I had to think about how to feed the cats.

00:33:49.738 --> 00:34:06.086
We do all these things without thinking because our brains are designed to put as much as possible on autopilot so that our conscious thinking brain is freed up to do the more challenging work that only the conscious thinking brain can do.

00:34:06.925 --> 00:34:12.016
But we don't need a conscious thinking brain to go, oh, well, oh, this won't work.

00:34:12.016 --> 00:34:12.465
This sucks.

00:34:12.465 --> 00:34:13.005
This terrible.

00:34:13.045 --> 00:34:13.945
I'm all stressed.

00:34:13.976 --> 00:34:14.606
I'm overwhelmed.

00:34:15.146 --> 00:34:19.056
We don't need an ounce of thinking brain to go there.

00:34:19.572 --> 00:34:20.621
Not an ounce.

00:34:21.461 --> 00:34:27.766
But if we want to change that dialogue, we will need some thinking brain effort.

00:34:28.311 --> 00:34:29.362
To notice.

00:34:29.782 --> 00:34:32.949
To do the awareness piece to say, oh, I just noticed.

00:34:33.356 --> 00:34:34.286
I went right there.

00:34:34.905 --> 00:34:38.326
Oh, and I noticed the reason I went there was this trigger happened.

00:34:38.896 --> 00:34:39.405
Okay.

00:34:40.306 --> 00:34:41.416
And I'm noticing.

00:34:41.476 --> 00:34:41.896
Ooh.

00:34:42.346 --> 00:34:43.876
I don't like what that does with my energy.

00:34:44.505 --> 00:34:45.976
Okay, let me try something different.

00:34:45.976 --> 00:34:47.146
Let me say this differently.

00:34:47.938 --> 00:34:54.639
And as you practice this, what will happen is you will create new autopilot programming.

00:34:55.206 --> 00:35:01.795
So that your conscious thinking brain won't have to work so hard at this once you develop some habits.

00:35:02.490 --> 00:35:07.541
I have noticed for example, that with the stuff that I've been working on the most diligently.

00:35:07.621 --> 00:35:11.648
That those replacement forms of dialogue are now on autopilot.

00:35:12.467 --> 00:35:16.847
I very rarely say, I should, or I have to, or I need to.

00:35:17.398 --> 00:35:22.467
And if I do, what is now on autopilot is the quick self-correction.

00:35:23.090 --> 00:35:26.420
The awareness and the self-correction are also on autopilot.

00:35:26.451 --> 00:35:29.650
So even if that does slip out, which it does from time to time.

00:35:30.347 --> 00:35:31.788
Oh, I really need to get this done.

00:35:32.338 --> 00:35:35.217
The reflex to correct that is almost instant.

00:35:35.367 --> 00:35:38.487
So that's on autopilot too, which is kind of cool to observe.

00:35:39.231 --> 00:35:45.661
With practice, this will become habit and routine for you, and your conscious thinking brain won't have to work so hard on it.

00:35:46.021 --> 00:35:52.947
And the reward is vastly improved energetic frequency, which feels better.

00:35:53.550 --> 00:35:55.320
Which is a win in and of itself.

00:35:55.710 --> 00:36:02.090
But it also is so much more effective at engaging others and pulling decision-makers in.

00:36:02.360 --> 00:36:06.987
Which is why I'm talking about this on an advocacy focused podcast.

00:36:07.661 --> 00:36:18.574
Because I'm all about helping nonprofit leaders become as powerfully effective in influencing decision makers in their world as humanly possible.

00:36:19.201 --> 00:36:21.690
And a lot of this work is an inside job.

00:36:22.318 --> 00:36:28.538
A lot of this is work we have to do internally to bring ourselves to a place of tremendous effectiveness.

00:36:29.108 --> 00:36:38.438
And I can't overstate the power of being able to cultivate at will a high frequency, positive energy state that automatically.

00:36:38.438 --> 00:36:40.148
Uh, helps pull people in.

00:36:40.748 --> 00:36:43.208
It's a great capacity to have as a leader.

00:36:43.657 --> 00:36:47.077
And it's an incredible capacity to have as an advocate.

00:36:47.838 --> 00:36:49.157
So give this a try.

00:36:49.621 --> 00:36:51.541
Like I said, it won't cost you anything.

00:36:51.630 --> 00:36:53.911
And the rewards can be tremendous.

00:36:54.751 --> 00:36:59.900
Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode, right here on the Nonprofit Power Podcast.