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You're listening to the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
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In today's episode, we share how to access confidence even when you're way outside your comfort zone.
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So, stay tuned.
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If you want to have real and powerful influence over the money and policy decisions that impact your organization and the people you serve, then you're in the right place.
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I'm Kath Patrick and I've helped dozens of progressive nonprofit leaders take their organizations to new and higher levels of impact and success by building powerful influence with the decision makers that matter.
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It is possible to get a critical mass of the money and policy decision makers in your world to be as invested in your success as you are.
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To have them seeking you out as an equal partner.
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And to have them Bringing opportunities and resources to you.
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This podcast will help you do just that.
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Welcome to the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
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Hey there folks.
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Welcome to the Nonprofit Power podcast.
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I'm your host, Kath Patrick.
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I'm so glad you're here for today's episode, because confidence is one of those things that so many people struggle with, and others seem to have no problem with, and neither group understands the other one very well.
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So I want to get into where does s confidence come from, and how do we get more of it, more consistently?
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Www.
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podcast.
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com Where do you feel least confident?
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Is it public speaking?
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Is it in front of a powerful decision maker?
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Is it when the stakes are especially high and the consequences of error seem kind of terrifying?
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Is it when you're worried that the audience, whether it's one person or a thousand, will be unfriendly or even hostile?
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Is it when you're doing something brand new for the first time?
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I hear from a lot of clients that they want to be more confident in something.
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And public speaking is one of the things that comes up most often.
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Another one that comes up a lot is wanting to be more confident in going one-on-one with a powerful money or policy decision maker.
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Those are the most common ones, but there's lots of others too.
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One of the challenges around confidence is that often we're operating under the mistaken belief that confidence is something that we have to obtain.
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It's something that is out of our grasp and we have to go get it.
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And that's not really true.
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I think there's a much more productive way to look at confidence and to incorporate it successfully into our way of being and operating most of the time.
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The underlying truth in all of this is that confidence comes from within.
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It's not something that's given to you.
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It's not something you earn.
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It's something you generate.
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From inside.
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And that's a subtle difference, but I think it's an important one.
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There are three core ingredients to creating confidence, to generating confidence, to building confidence.
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One of those ingredients is skills.
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Competence.
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Another ingredient is repeat exposure to the thing that you're hoping to have confidence in.
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And what that repeat exposure does, other than giving you opportunities to practice those skills, is that it also is an opportunity to defang the fears that you have around the thing.
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Both skills and fear exist on a continuum.
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In the skill universe, at one end of the continuum you have complete absence of skills.
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Incompetence, if you will.
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And at the other end of the continuum, you have mastery.
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But that's a really big continuum, and there's a lot of room between those two on that continuum.
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And as long as you're not at the very basic zero competence place, you have some skill.
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And that can be one of the sources of your confidence.
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The other awesome thing about skills is that you can constantly build on them and add to them and increase them.
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And every incremental bit of progress can fuel additional confidence, if you allow it.
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Now on the fear spectrum or continuum.
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There's abject terror at one end.
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And there's a complete absence of fear at the other end.
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Most people on most things are operating somewhere in the middle of that continuum.
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And our goal is often to simply move closer to complete absence of fear.
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But that again, happens through repeat exposure.
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And not coincidentally, the greater development of skills will often help to reduce the fear.
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But not always.
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And we're going to talk about that.
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The third ingredient.
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Is one that is especially critical.
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And this comes 100% from within.
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Because ultimately the source of confidence is the willingness to do hard things even when they scare you.
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And to operate from the belief that you can do hard things.
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That you can do challenging things.
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And you can especially do them, even when they scare you.
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A very valuable cousin to that is the core operating principle or belief of, I can learn how.
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I may not know how to do this now, but I can learn.
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Now, one of the sources of confidence that everybody kind of gets is mastery.
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And I hear from a lot of people, I want to be more confident in public speaking and if I could just master the.
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And then they'll name, some public speaker, some Ted talk that they've seen.
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They're like, I want to be like that person.
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I want to own the stage the way they own the stage.
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I want that fearlessness.
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Et cetera, et cetera.
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We can get tripped up thinking that mastery of public speaking, for example, means that you have practiced public speaking so long and so much that you've honed all the skills and are brilliant at it.
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That is definitely valuable and.
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I absolutely recommend that if you're interested in getting good at public speaking and becoming comfortable and confident in it, that you do it more.
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Because that's where that expertise and mastery comes from.
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But it's not just about that.
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The thing we can get tripped up in is thinking that that means we have to be a complete master of an entire realm before we can be confident in it.
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And that's an important distinction.
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Any form of public speaking, whether it's at a Ted talk, or on a stage at a conference, or a poetry slam, or at a storytelling venue like the moth.
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Any one of those kinds of things.
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First of all, if you've paid attention, you notice that there are formulas for how to do each of those particular types of things highly effectively.
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And so some of it is simply learning the formula and learning how to work within the formula.
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That's like just understanding the rules of the game and understanding how something works and being able to operate within that framework.
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It's pretty straightforward and that's common across most things in life.
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That if you understand the framework you have a better chance of being good at the thing.
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So it definitely helps to be good at something as a precursor to being confident at it.
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But let me challenge that a little bit and ask you, how many people have you run into in your world who are supremely confident in stuff that they have no business being confident at at all?
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And you know the type, right Whatever it is, they got this, they know how to do it.
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They're large and in-charge, and they're gonna show everybody else how it's done, even if they've never done it before.
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And you know how that usually ends.
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But what I think is interesting to notice about those folks is that they have like an excess of the thing that people who lack confidence need a little bit more of.
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Now, typically that blowhard approach of, I'm the expert.
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I know everything.
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Cause I learned one tiny thing about this and now I'm an expert and I'm gonna tell all of you how it is.
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The ingredients for that are usually pretty predictable.
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It's a combination of ignorance and ego.
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And I already know that that's not you.
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Because if that were you, you would not have been drawn to the title of this episode.
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You wouldn't be seeking information about how you can become more confident.
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You'd already believe that you were just fine.
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So I know that's not you.
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But there's a kernel of something in those folks.
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That we might want to take a look at and see if we can borrow from it just a little bit.
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And that is the aspect of their confidence that comes a hundred percent from within.
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It clearly doesn't come from mastery because they don't have mastery in the thing they're claiming expertise at.
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So there is a certain amount of internal capacity to say I got this.
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I can do this.
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And it's going to be fine.
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It's going to be okay.
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I'm going to be okay.
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It's that ability that we do want to cultivate.
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Because that is at the core of confidence, no matter what realm you're talking about.
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What confidence is not about is perfection.
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It's not about never making a mistake.
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It's not about complete mastery.
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And it's also not about a complete absence of fear.
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Which I think is very important to call out.
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If you think that all those folks up on the TED Talk stage and Moth and all those other places, never experience fear.
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You're misunderstanding what's going on.
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What they're good at is not letting you see that fear.
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Virtually every master storyteller, speaker, trainer.
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Everyone I know who is a master in those realms occasionally has some fear.
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And they just do it anyway.
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They just trust that it's going to be fine.
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They have some fear and they're like, yeah, well, I wish I were more prepared.
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I don't feel like I prepared very well for this.
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Oh, I don't know.
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This audience is really different than what I thought I was going to have in front of me.
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I'm not sure.
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Oh, maybe I need to change my opening.
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So there can be moments of uncertainty.
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There can be moments of doubt and fear.
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The difference is that the person who can access confidence consistently from inside is able to say, well, I'm going to do the best I can, and it's going to be fine.
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Not only is it going to be fine, it's going to be great.
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This is going to be fantastic.
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And then they operate from that.
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From that internal belief that it's going to be great.
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People are going to love it.
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It's going to be great.
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And then you just go forward.
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A big chunk of confidence is really just about the practice of putting yourself out there.
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And trusting that it's going to be okay.
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And planting the thought in your head that not only is it going to be okay, it's going to be great.
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Because as we've talked about a lot on the podcast, the intentions you set really matter.
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If you set the intention that this is going to be a disaster, chances are it will be.
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If you set the intention that this is going to go great, the chances of it going great are a lot better.
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Because you're going to show up, you're going to operate from the intention you've set around the thing.
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A lot of times what people label a lack of confidence is usually really rooted in some kind of a fear.
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It might be the fear of being embarrassed, fear of being judged.
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Fear of not performing to our own unreasonably high standards.
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Fear of disapproval.
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Fear of disappointing someone we care about.
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Fear of being seen.
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Now that kind of lack of confidence is not the same as saying I'm not confident that I have all the answers or I'm not confident that I have attained the level of skill I want in this arena.
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That's different.
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That's just self-awareness.
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And saying I have some information or some skill level, and I want more and I'm working on that.
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But that's very different than saying I'm not confident at a thing in totality.
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We're going to come back to the conversation about fear in just a minute, but I want to say a little bit more about mastery.
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Cause mastery or perceptions of mastery are a thing that just trips people up a lot.
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And the question that I always explore with my coaching clients is two things.
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Well, if this is really about mastery, how much mastery is enough?
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When will you be sufficiently masterful in this arena that you can allow yourself to feel confident?
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And not surprisingly, folks, usually can't answer that question.
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Because it's not really about that.
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It's usually about one of those fears that we just mentioned.
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But what happens is that the perception of mastery, gets connected to some of those other fears.
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People will think I don't know what I'm talking about.
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People will think I'm not good enough.
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They'll think I was terrible.
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They'll laugh at me.
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They'll think I'm a show off.
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I'll be embarrassed.
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I won't be perfect.
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I might make a mistake.
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So first of all, I think it's important to understand that every human being is walking around with at least some of those fears.
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It is the human condition.
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And it goes back to our very earliest years.
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And then accumulated life experience from then.
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And often what gives those kinds of fears about what's someone going to think.
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It gives those fears extra power.
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Is that on some level, number one, we secretly believe they might be true.
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And number two, somewhere along the way we came to believe that being seen, or being a show off, or being in front of the room, or being loud, or saying what we think, or proclaiming expertise.
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That that wasn't safe.
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That it would produce emotionally scary consequences from the people we cared about or who had power over us.
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In all of these cases, all these different fears, the most powerful thing we can do is to first understand what the hidden narrative is that's going on in our subconscious.
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Because if we're not aware of it, we can't do anything about it.
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Start by asking yourself the question, okay, well, what am I really worried about here?
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And to list out all the things you're worried about, all the things you're afraid of.
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Just name them and claim them and say, okay, there they are.
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These are the fears.
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Now it may be that when you write them down, you might just look at them and say, well, that's silly.
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Where did that come from?
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I don't really think that.
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Huh.
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For others it may take a little more digging, and you may need to think about what stories go with those fears, and where that fear originally came from.
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And usually it's not hiding all that deeply beneath the surface.
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But it can be a very valuable exercise to just explore, where did that come from?
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When did I first experience that thought or belief?
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When did I learn that?
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When did I learn that it wasn't safe or okay to say what I think, or to be seen or to be loud, or to proclaim expertise.
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Or when did I learn that doing any of those things constituted showing off, or being inappropriate, or being too big for your britches.
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So you identify the thought or belief, and then you identify approximately where it came from.
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And this is a very surface-y view of the process, but this is essentially it.
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And then the third thing is to prosecute those beliefs.
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And say, is that true?
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Was that ever true?
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Is it still true?
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Do I believe that?
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And then rewrite the belief.
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Write a new belief that actually serves you.
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If you're afraid that the person you're talking to, or the group you're talking to, will think you don't know what you're talking about.
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Well, do you know what you're talking about?
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I bet you do.
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If you don't, why were you planning to talk about it?
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Right?
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We've already established you're not the ignorant egocentric person who thinks they're the expert at everything.
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You know what experience and knowledge you have, and skills.
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And specifically as a nonprofit leader, you know probably better than just about anybody else you might be talking to.
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You know the details of the work that you do, the problems that you solve and what the impact of that is and why it matters.
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And how it changes things.
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Nobody knows that better than you.
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You are the expert.
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So mastery is already yours in that realm.
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But this is the thing to watch out for.
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And I can't tell you the number of seasoned, veteran CEOs who have said to me some version of, yes, but I don't know absolutely everything about it.
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I wasn't perfect at it.
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It didn't have the exact most perfect outcome.
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Therefore, I can't hold it up as a model.
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I don't know everything there could possibly be to know about a thing.
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Therefore, I can't put myself out there as an expert.
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That is the illusion of perfection, the illusion of mastery.
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That is a definition of those things that does not serve us.
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That is not a standard that anyone is going to hold you to.
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No one in your audience.
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No one you'll ever be talking with is going to demand of you that you know everything about everything.
00:18:40.490 --> 00:18:42.589
Or even everything about the thing you're talking about.
00:18:43.442 --> 00:18:48.779
The reason they're listening to you is that they acknowledge that you have valuable knowledge in this area.
00:18:49.343 --> 00:18:51.202
And they're interested in your perspective.
00:18:51.202 --> 00:18:53.063
They want to know what you have to say.
00:18:54.002 --> 00:19:01.220
And sometimes what we have to share isn't so much factual knowledge, but experience.
00:19:01.789 --> 00:19:08.926
What we've learned, perspectives we've acquired, insights we've gained through doing the work that we do.
00:19:09.636 --> 00:19:17.896
And those insights and perspectives and sensibilities often are far more valuable than just straight factual knowledge.
00:19:18.779 --> 00:19:22.643
So the trick with dealing with the mastery illusion.
00:19:23.143 --> 00:19:26.593
Is to own the mastery that you have and work from that.
00:19:27.259 --> 00:19:36.977
And don't worry about the mastery that you don't have, because there is nobody on the planet who has all the mastery of all the things.
00:19:37.156 --> 00:19:38.567
That person does not exist.
00:19:39.346 --> 00:19:43.136
But what you can do is say, what do I know?
00:19:43.522 --> 00:19:45.232
What am I clear about?
00:19:45.676 --> 00:19:47.537
What am I confident about?
00:19:48.267 --> 00:19:52.527
Am I confident that I know exactly what problem my organization solves?
00:19:52.737 --> 00:19:58.797
Am I confident that I know that we do extraordinary work and that we achieve extraordinary outcomes?
00:19:58.977 --> 00:20:06.200
Am I confident that the value we deliver is exceptional and highly worthy of investment.?
00:20:06.777 --> 00:20:07.616
Of course you are.
00:20:08.076 --> 00:20:10.237
So work from that.
00:20:10.853 --> 00:20:14.272
Whatever the mastery is, that's the source of the confidence.
00:20:15.192 --> 00:20:21.859
A really good set of questions to ask yourself, particularly in a public speaking setting, is do you know what you're talking about?
00:20:22.373 --> 00:20:24.323
Do you have something of value to share?
00:20:24.869 --> 00:20:32.420
Even if it's just one insight, one perspective shift, one idea, one suggestion, that they haven't thought about before.
00:20:33.250 --> 00:20:39.400
And is there at least one person in the audience who could really benefit from what you're about to share?
00:20:40.063 --> 00:20:41.323
And how sad would it be?
00:20:41.826 --> 00:20:47.457
What a missed opportunity it would be for both of you, if they didn't get the thing they needed.
00:20:47.960 --> 00:20:50.720
Because you were afraid to stand up there and share it with them.
00:20:51.809 --> 00:20:55.319
This is something we work a lot on in my coaching program.
00:20:55.829 --> 00:21:00.257
And I've shared with you the basic principles that we work from most of the time.
00:21:00.826 --> 00:21:06.250
That usually what's in the way of confidence is some sort of a fear or a worry.
00:21:06.893 --> 00:21:19.269
And it's very difficult to move ahead and to develop that confidence without first understanding what your perceived lack of confidence is rooted in,, which is usually a fear or worry or a group of them.
00:21:19.959 --> 00:21:24.939
Once you've identified those, then understanding where those fears and worries came from.
00:21:25.888 --> 00:21:29.098
And then rewriting them into something more helpful.
00:21:29.491 --> 00:21:30.662
Into something that is true.
00:21:31.021 --> 00:21:33.602
Because mostly those fears aren't true.
00:21:34.128 --> 00:21:40.669
They may be grounded in a past reality, they may be grounded in a past experience, but that doesn't mean they're true today.
00:21:41.269 --> 00:21:44.269
And that doesn't mean they are serving you at all today.
00:21:45.169 --> 00:21:47.118
Usually what they're doing is getting in your way.
00:21:47.884 --> 00:21:54.694
And so rewriting those stories and rewriting those beliefs and thoughts to ones that will serve you.
00:21:54.875 --> 00:21:57.964
And that will support approaching something with confidence.
00:21:58.355 --> 00:22:02.429
Is essentially the recipe for accessing confidence.
00:22:03.285 --> 00:22:08.295
Let me give you an example from my own experience, that kind of illustrates all of these pieces.
00:22:09.009 --> 00:22:13.565
When I started this podcast, I felt very strongly about the need to do it.
00:22:13.595 --> 00:22:14.825
I felt it was important.
00:22:14.825 --> 00:22:23.858
I felt that I had a lot of value to share and I wanted to be able to reach people with some important ideas and thoughts and perspectives.
00:22:24.538 --> 00:22:28.409
And I wanted to be able to help people build their advocacy skillset.
00:22:29.184 --> 00:22:33.414
I knew that the podcast was an excellent way to achieve all of those things.
00:22:33.414 --> 00:22:39.682
And to reach a much larger audience than I could by solely working with nonprofit leaders one-on-one.
00:22:40.582 --> 00:22:42.922
Even though I love doing the one-on-one work.
00:22:43.372 --> 00:22:45.355
That this was also an important avenue.
00:22:46.308 --> 00:22:50.838
The sum total of my expertise about podcasts was that I had listened to a lot of them.
00:22:51.848 --> 00:22:53.979
Now I was not afraid of a microphone.
00:22:54.348 --> 00:22:55.548
That did help, certainly.
00:22:56.194 --> 00:22:57.305
But I'll tell you what.
00:22:57.744 --> 00:23:02.144
I had no idea how to do any of the things.
00:23:02.444 --> 00:23:06.644
How to make a podcast happen, I didn't know what equipment I needed.
00:23:06.644 --> 00:23:20.781
I didn't know what kind of software and platforms I would need to use in order to record and edit and produce and refine and publish a podcast episode so that it would actually reach people.
00:23:20.961 --> 00:23:22.521
I had no idea how to do any of that.
00:23:22.912 --> 00:23:27.932
I also had no idea how you build a podcast episode that actually works well.
00:23:28.882 --> 00:23:33.051
Also, I had a massive worry about it needs to be really good.
00:23:33.051 --> 00:23:36.892
These first few episodes have to be really great in order to pull people in.
00:23:36.892 --> 00:23:42.382
And if I don't get the first few episodes right, no one will ever listen to it because the first two episodes weren't good.
00:23:43.172 --> 00:23:44.704
had a bunch of fears.
00:23:45.142 --> 00:23:46.402
A bunch of worries.
00:23:46.855 --> 00:23:49.375
And a massive learning curve in front of me.
00:23:50.275 --> 00:23:52.454
But I gathered the information I needed.
00:23:52.825 --> 00:23:56.765
Began trying to learn the software and the platforms.
00:23:57.295 --> 00:24:00.384
Also began sketching outlines for the first few episodes.
00:24:01.009 --> 00:24:05.682
And on many occasions felt like it was just a little too daunting.
00:24:05.682 --> 00:24:07.991
And was this a bad idea after all?
00:24:08.382 --> 00:24:11.432
But I held the vision, and the vision was really compelling.
00:24:11.432 --> 00:24:12.301
So I kept at it.
00:24:12.987 --> 00:24:17.037
And now, here we are, a year and a half later, in episode 79.
00:24:17.537 --> 00:24:19.366
And all that is in the rearview mirror.
00:24:19.666 --> 00:24:20.477
I survived.
00:24:21.227 --> 00:24:28.134
In hindsight I was far too worried about how perfect the first few episodes had to be.
00:24:28.974 --> 00:24:30.265
I think they were decent.
00:24:30.964 --> 00:24:33.365
They were pretty good for a first time podcaster.
00:24:33.934 --> 00:24:40.105
I absolutely know that episodes have gotten better over time, as I've learned more and developed more skills in this.
00:24:40.644 --> 00:24:42.775
But you got to start somewhere.
00:24:44.105 --> 00:24:48.486
Here's what wound up mattering in this process in terms of confidence.
00:24:49.185 --> 00:24:50.086
Number one.
00:24:50.546 --> 00:24:54.476
I did not have much of an idea of what I was doing, but I was determined to do it anyway.
00:24:55.135 --> 00:24:59.576
I always operate from the belief that I can do difficult and challenging things.
00:25:00.212 --> 00:25:00.843
I'm smart.
00:25:01.212 --> 00:25:01.962
I'm determined.
00:25:02.323 --> 00:25:03.762
I'll figure it out.
00:25:04.430 --> 00:25:06.589
And it may be painful, but I will figure it out.
00:25:07.589 --> 00:25:14.288
Number two was that, at every point in the process, I just kept plowing ahead in spite of the fear.
00:25:15.537 --> 00:25:17.457
I still worried about how it was going to land.
00:25:17.936 --> 00:25:19.946
And whether it was going to be good enough.
00:25:20.530 --> 00:25:26.846
I struggled with that up until I hit publish on those first five episodes and put them out in the world.
00:25:27.396 --> 00:25:31.326
And then I second guessed myself and thought, oh, they might not be good enough.
00:25:31.386 --> 00:25:32.557
Maybe I should pull them back.
00:25:33.196 --> 00:25:33.646
Nope.
00:25:34.156 --> 00:25:34.876
They're done.
00:25:34.936 --> 00:25:35.747
Put them out there.
00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:37.590
Let's see what happens.
00:25:38.477 --> 00:25:48.480
And that is probably the single most powerful phrase you can give yourself, you can repeat to yourself and act on.
00:25:48.901 --> 00:25:51.161
Is do your best.
00:25:51.520 --> 00:25:52.611
Put it out there.
00:25:52.911 --> 00:25:54.411
And see what happens.
00:25:55.230 --> 00:25:58.230
The worst that's going to happen is it falls flat.
00:25:58.260 --> 00:25:59.371
Nobody listens.
00:26:00.030 --> 00:26:06.211
Well, I suppose maybe the worst that happens is you get a bunch of emails saying that was the worst podcast ever.
00:26:06.626 --> 00:26:07.946
What are you doing?
00:26:07.946 --> 00:26:10.257
You shouldn't even have a microphone.
00:26:10.257 --> 00:26:11.307
What is wrong with you?
00:26:11.547 --> 00:26:13.542
I suppose that could have happened.
00:26:13.894 --> 00:26:17.074
Honestly, that was not on my list of fears or worries.
00:26:17.730 --> 00:26:20.844
But I could see how it could be for some folks.
00:26:21.336 --> 00:26:24.787
That's just not a fear that tends to live in my little cupboard of fears.
00:26:25.523 --> 00:26:27.894
But I was worried about whether it was good enough.
00:26:28.733 --> 00:26:30.683
And whether I had the messaging just right.
00:26:30.683 --> 00:26:32.273
And whether I should adjust that.
00:26:32.324 --> 00:26:34.124
Pull them back and re-edit and do them again.
00:26:34.487 --> 00:26:34.817
No.
00:26:34.936 --> 00:26:35.567
It's out there.
00:26:35.626 --> 00:26:36.826
Just let it live on its own.
00:26:36.946 --> 00:26:39.707
Focus on the next episode and the next one.
00:26:39.707 --> 00:26:40.576
And the next one.
00:26:41.207 --> 00:26:47.243
And what I learned pretty quickly was that with each new episode, I got a little better.
00:26:47.957 --> 00:26:49.096
My skills grew.
00:26:49.336 --> 00:26:51.196
The quality of the podcast improved.
00:26:51.586 --> 00:26:55.517
And that's a nice virtuous feedback loop that's very helpful.
00:26:56.446 --> 00:27:06.611
But at any point in the process, it would have been very easy to just say, I'm not confident enough yet at podcasting to start a podcast.
00:27:07.330 --> 00:27:11.500
And here's my question to you, now that you've listened to this story.
00:27:12.176 --> 00:27:22.534
How would I have gotten the confidence to do a podcast, without doing a podcast?
00:27:23.314 --> 00:27:24.784
How would that have worked?
00:27:25.396 --> 00:27:25.767
Right?
00:27:26.307 --> 00:27:29.916
So the same thing is kind of true for just about everything else.
00:27:30.346 --> 00:27:34.676
It's definitely true with public speaking, which, you know, podcasting is a form of that.
00:27:34.767 --> 00:27:40.260
But any form of public speaking, the only way you're going to get good at it is with practice.
00:27:41.186 --> 00:27:44.757
And the fastest way to build your confidence.
00:27:45.121 --> 00:27:50.111
Is to, with each time you do it, find the things you did well.
00:27:50.636 --> 00:27:53.807
And focus on that, and say, wow, that piece right there.
00:27:53.987 --> 00:27:56.267
That thing I said in the middle, that was really good.
00:27:56.957 --> 00:27:58.396
I should do more of that.
00:27:59.273 --> 00:28:03.653
Ooh, that part at the end where I just sort of trailed off and didn't know how to end it.
00:28:03.703 --> 00:28:07.693
I had the audience and then I kind of just dribbled away cause I didn't know how to do a conclusion.
00:28:08.074 --> 00:28:08.763
Well, okay.
00:28:08.763 --> 00:28:10.894
So now I'm going to work on conclusions.
00:28:11.636 --> 00:28:18.590
But if you start from the place of, I have some piece of mastery here that's the core of this.
00:28:19.111 --> 00:28:20.730
And I'm going to build on that.
00:28:21.287 --> 00:28:22.576
And all I'm doing is building.
00:28:23.230 --> 00:28:26.500
I build a little, practice a little, get some feedback, build some more.
00:28:27.027 --> 00:28:27.596
And repeat.
00:28:28.141 --> 00:28:30.601
That's fundamentally where confidence comes from.
00:28:31.471 --> 00:28:43.240
But if you don't ever put yourself out there, it's hard to imagine how you would then acquire the confidence to do the thing that you won't do.
00:28:44.013 --> 00:28:44.824
See what I'm saying?
00:28:45.586 --> 00:28:53.310
So the last thing I'll say is that, in a weird way, lack of confidence is an ego trip of its own.
00:28:53.753 --> 00:28:54.683
In the following way.
00:28:55.277 --> 00:28:59.750
If you think you're supposed to be perfect, that's an ego trip.
00:29:00.503 --> 00:29:12.560
And if you think that the only time you'll be worthy of putting yourself out there as an expert in one way or another, whether it's public speaking or engaging a high powered decision-maker.
00:29:13.070 --> 00:29:16.760
The only way you'll be worthy is if you know everything there is to know.
00:29:17.428 --> 00:29:19.407
That's kind of an ego trip, too.
00:29:20.217 --> 00:29:36.432
Oh, and that was a whole piece we didn't even get into, which is the power imbalance and how you find your internal source of confidence around power and your right to be in the room with a powerful person.
00:29:36.923 --> 00:29:38.799
That's maybe for another episode.
00:29:39.396 --> 00:29:41.307
But I will tell you that it's the same thing.
00:29:41.970 --> 00:29:46.356
It goes to a little bit different set of conversations around worth and value.
00:29:46.740 --> 00:29:49.140
Intrinsic worth and value as human beings.
00:29:49.586 --> 00:29:51.807
And the right to be in any space.
00:29:52.076 --> 00:29:54.477
The right to engage with any person.
00:29:55.549 --> 00:29:58.353
Or here's another one that tends to freak people out.
00:29:58.623 --> 00:30:05.423
If you're presenting to a group of academics or a group of researchers or policy makers.
00:30:05.750 --> 00:30:14.000
People who have a high level of expertise in a field like research or policymaking.
00:30:14.359 --> 00:30:20.779
And you maybe don't have tons of experience as a researcher, as a policy developer.
00:30:21.269 --> 00:30:25.997
That doesn't mean that you don't have expertise and you don't belong in that room.
00:30:26.747 --> 00:30:38.532
They didn't invite you there, they're not showing up to listen to you because you know everything about how to be a good researcher, or you know everything about how to make perfect public policy.
00:30:39.136 --> 00:30:48.037
You're there because you have insight and knowledge and perspective that will inform their research, their policy-making.
00:30:48.037 --> 00:30:54.747
And will make it possible for them to be better at their job and to produce a better result.
00:30:55.257 --> 00:30:57.207
That's what you're there to do.
00:30:58.365 --> 00:31:05.827
Usually, what you're there to do is not only inform, but also to engage and move and persuade.
00:31:06.248 --> 00:31:10.837
And again, it's your knowledge and your insight and your perspective that are going to do that.
00:31:11.657 --> 00:31:16.488
The researchers aren't going to listen to you because you're just as qualified a researcher as they are.
00:31:16.938 --> 00:31:18.798
Unless that also happens to be your background.
00:31:19.474 --> 00:31:21.701
But that's not the expectation.
00:31:22.421 --> 00:31:27.938
But if you go in with the belief that I'm not worthy.
00:31:27.938 --> 00:31:40.240
I'm not qualified to talk to this category of person with 18 PhDs or 15 law degrees or whatever their background is.
00:31:41.181 --> 00:31:50.820
Once again, I would ask you to ask yourself, well, if that's your criterion, when will you ever be good enough to talk to them?
00:31:51.881 --> 00:31:55.480
And isn't it important that you talk to them and engage them?
00:31:56.441 --> 00:32:01.721
And if it is, then let's find the thing that does put you at the center of the room.
00:32:01.721 --> 00:32:05.401
That does say you're a hundred percent qualified.
00:32:05.941 --> 00:32:16.295
And in fact, represent a huge value add because you are speaking to a giant knowledge and perspective gap that your audience currently has.
00:32:16.295 --> 00:32:23.845
And you are there to fill that gap and shift their perspective and help them see things in a new light.
00:32:24.115 --> 00:32:29.424
That's going to bring them around to working with you to solve this larger problem.
00:32:30.484 --> 00:32:38.968
So be careful with comparisons because it's not about, do you have the same skills or background as your audience?
00:32:39.438 --> 00:32:45.018
It's about, do you have a level of expertise that is going to add value to the thing they are working on?
00:32:45.744 --> 00:32:53.035
And as a nonprofit leader, the answer to that is virtually always going to be yes.
00:32:53.847 --> 00:32:55.468
So find that.
00:32:56.077 --> 00:32:57.307
clarify that.
00:32:57.788 --> 00:32:59.438
Ground yourself in that.
00:32:59.468 --> 00:33:01.178
Write it down if you need to.
00:33:01.765 --> 00:33:03.265
Tattoo it on your forehead.
00:33:03.765 --> 00:33:06.615
But center yourself, ground yourself in that.
00:33:07.211 --> 00:33:15.391
This is the powerful insight, perspective, knowledge that I can bring to this audience that will matter.
00:33:15.631 --> 00:33:20.371
And that will make a difference and that they desperately need, whether they realize it or not.
00:33:21.480 --> 00:33:24.694
After that, everything else is technique.
00:33:25.330 --> 00:33:26.411
And technique is awesome.
00:33:26.411 --> 00:33:27.371
I love technique.
00:33:27.421 --> 00:33:29.701
And we work a lot on that in the coaching program too.
00:33:30.161 --> 00:33:40.458
I teach all kinds of rhetorical devices and ways of engaging, and specific techniques that will pull an audience in and get their engagement and get their attention.
00:33:40.807 --> 00:33:42.107
We work on all that too.
00:33:42.625 --> 00:33:49.194
Because growing your skills will increase your effectiveness and thereby contribute to building your confidence.
00:33:50.065 --> 00:34:06.510
But if you're not coming to a conversation or an encounter or any other thing with the inner belief that you have something important and powerful to share, then it's going to be really difficult for you to make any use of all those techniques.
00:34:06.510 --> 00:34:09.541
Because you're not coming from a place of true confidence.
00:34:10.708 --> 00:34:16.498
The bottom line in all this is that skills absolutely matter in building confidence.
00:34:17.157 --> 00:34:18.777
But it's not the be all and end all.
00:34:19.494 --> 00:34:24.985
And remember that both skills and fears exist on a continuum.
00:34:25.740 --> 00:34:30.001
So it's about moving your skills in one direction on that continuum.
00:34:30.527 --> 00:34:32.898
And moving your fears in the other direction.
00:34:33.137 --> 00:34:34.637
We want to increase the skills.
00:34:35.237 --> 00:34:37.637
And over time, defang the fears.
00:34:38.344 --> 00:34:40.054
And both of those take time and effort.
00:34:40.085 --> 00:34:40.684
No question.
00:34:41.467 --> 00:34:44.557
But let's not forget the third and most powerful ingredient.
00:34:45.268 --> 00:34:50.907
Which is that the core beliefs that you're operating from probably matter more than anything else.
00:34:51.608 --> 00:35:01.057
So you want to be operating from the set of beliefs that, I can do hard and challenging things, and I will be okay.
00:35:02.018 --> 00:35:06.637
I can face the fear and do it anyway, and I will be okay.
00:35:07.478 --> 00:35:16.797
And to get even more impact out of that, to be able to operate from that plus I can do those things and it's going to go great.
00:35:17.617 --> 00:35:23.827
And if that's a bridge too far, at least try for, and no matter what happens, I'm going to learn something valuable.
00:35:24.318 --> 00:35:29.510
And if I reached just one person who needs to hear what I have to say, then I've succeeded.
00:35:29.811 --> 00:35:37.375
And that will have added value and it will have been important that I showed up here today to deliver that message to whoever needed to hear it.
00:35:38.184 --> 00:35:40.974
And then in doing that, I made a difference.
00:35:42.034 --> 00:35:44.644
When you're operating from those three.
00:35:44.652 --> 00:35:48.041
Ingredients, you can't help but build confidence.
00:35:48.815 --> 00:35:49.655
Thanks for listening.
00:35:50.074 --> 00:35:53.704
And I'll see you in the next episode right here on the Nonprofit Power Podcast.
